Use ModifyWaitEvent to update exit_on_postmaster_death

Use ModifyWaitEvent to update exit_on_postmaster_death

This is in preparation for splitting WaitEventSet related functions to
a separate source file. That will hide the details of WaitEventSet
from WaitLatch, so it must use an exposed function instead of
modifying WaitEventSet->exit_on_postmaster_death directly.

Reviewed-by: Andres Freund <andres@anarazel.de>
Discussion: https://www.postgresql.org/message-id/8a507fb6-df28-49d3-81a5-ede180d7f0fb@iki.fi