For inplace update durability, make heap_update() callers wait.

For inplace update durability, make heap_update() callers wait.

The previous commit fixed some ways of losing an inplace update.  It
remained possible to lose one when a backend working toward a
heap_update() copied a tuple into memory just before inplace update of
that tuple.  In catalogs eligible for inplace update, use LOCKTAG_TUPLE
to govern admission to the steps of copying an old tuple, modifying it,
and issuing heap_update().  This includes MERGE commands.  To avoid
changing most of the pg_class DDL, don't require LOCKTAG_TUPLE when
holding a relation lock sufficient to exclude inplace updaters.
Back-patch to v12 (all supported versions).  In v13 and v12, "UPDATE
pg_class" or "UPDATE pg_database" can still lose an inplace update.  The
v14+ UPDATE fix needs commit 86dc90056dfdbd9d1b891718d2e5614e3e432f35,
and it wasn't worth reimplementing that fix without such infrastructure.

Reviewed by Nitin Motiani and (in earlier versions) Heikki Linnakangas.

Discussion: https://postgr.es/m/20231027214946.79.nmisch@google.com